TEN STEPS you can take to start going NO CONTACT with a Narcissist or Person with highly toxic traits.
Why is no contact important? No contact is setting an enforceable boundary that does not allow the Narcissist or toxic person to create havoc and chaos in our life when we begin healing. Think of NO CONTACT as a life insurance plan for yourself. Disconnecting communication from the Narcissist or toxic person allows you to begin to be re-centered in your body and mind. It allows you time to grieve, it allows you time to start looking at the relationship and how it was negatively impacting your life. No contact is vital to recovery. But let’s also humanize that we will have pockets of breaking no contact it is a process. So you simply start again from day one, you do not punish yourself, you make a promise to yourself that the next day the NO contact will begin again. You may have to do this several times and that is ok, you are human you are not a robot. I compare no contact like learning to walk again, it really is small manageable steps that our bodies and minds need to take every day.
#1 Block their phone number. Block their emails. Block their social media accounts. Beware of new social media requests. If you have friends that still are connected to the Narcissist or toxic person you may have to disconnect your social media accounts or mute them so that you are not exposed to any information on the Narcissist or toxic person. Spend a day putting these affairs in order so that there are no surprises. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK.
#2 For the first five days only answer calls and/or texts that are necessary from people. If you have a land line phone attempt to have people contact, you that way so you have minimal exposure to your cellphone.
#3 If blocking their number in the past did not work, consider getting a new phone number. If you do decide to do this then make it very clear who has access to your new phone number. Family and friends that you trust. If you are co-parenting, make sure you are updating this with the school and any other providers related to your child. Ask these people not to give this number out to anyone else. This applies to emails too. If you need to change your email, then so be it. Google voice can be an option to use for a while until you feel more confident in your no contact process.
# 4 Unless you have a family member or friend or job-related issue, turn your phone off each night before you to the bed. If you must have the phone on at night, then put it on Airplane mode or at least have it on vibrate in the other room. Do not have this device in your bed, if you must keep it in your bedroom place it somewhere that would be hard to reach.
#5 Minimize your time on social media for the first month yes, the first month you need to limit that time on social media. Put a timer on your phone and allow yourself a maximum of 5 minutes on your favorite social media account. The longer you stay on social media the more likely you can be triggered, intercepted by the Narcissist or toxic person. Remember just looking at posts about Narcissistic Abuse is not doing the work you need to start to seek a professional trauma informed trained therapist to start this journey of true recovery. Also get familiarized with privacy controls on all your social media pages to help safeguard your privacy.
Create a visualization board of where you want your life to be without the Narcissistic person, place the vision board somewhere that you can see everyday images and visuals are important reminders
#6 Set an alert in your phone everyday with an inspiring quote to remind you not to break contact. Download an inspirational quote or picture as your screensaver, so each time you look at your phone you are gently reminded of why you will not betray yourself in re-engaging in the abuse. Here are some of the ones that helped me:
#7Going no contact is going to be a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual challenge. Make sure you are addressing all these things.
#8 Do not engage in conversation about the Narcissist or toxic person with family and friends. Unfortunately, if there are people that you do not trust with this recovery process and are still in connection with the Narcissist/toxic person you will have to go no contact with them as well. You can block, pause, or mute their social media accounts. In their phone contact you can change their name to No Contact so that if a text or a phone call comes in you are alerted to not pick up right away.
#9 Do not answer a call that is unlisted or restricted.
#10 When you wake up in the morning do not look at your phone or computer for the first 30 minutes instead create a small self-healing ritual like repeating a mantra, meditation, or deep breathing.
