Red Flags You Should Know Before You Learn How to Deal With Narcissistic Abuse
The unapologetic truth of why you should see a mental health professional over a social media mental health influencer or Life Coach when dealing with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery.
Once again, this blog is an educational tool it is not to dismantle or defame life coaches or social media mental health influencers, I will get into more details of what you should look for in an appropriate life coach, but this blog is also to help you understand the type of training, education, clinical experience each of these professions have and how it will impact your treatment or recovery from Narcissistic Abuse.
Many people that have been in a Narcissistic Abusive relationship will most like report some other form of domestic violence which can include physical, sexual, economic, spiritual, and psychological abuse. This is trauma. The complexities of trauma have a deep imprint on our ego, body, and mind. It impacts our cognitive, emotional, and physiological functioning. Trauma leaves us with many different symptoms such as: hypervigilance, depression, anxiety, impairment in sleeping, flashbacks, hallucinations, suicidality, homicidally, it can impair our ability to function on a day-to-day basis. I highlight this because I am seeing a severe rise in people living or recently leaving a Narcissistic Abusive relationship. The aftermath can leave people living in a place of chaos and fear. That is why is it is so important that if you are seeking treatment, you do your research thoroughly. You want someone that not only understands Narcissistic Abuse but has extensive training in trauma informed care. Trauma needs to be dealt with slowly, we must heal the wound from the inside out. We cannot put a band aid on it with a time frame. I have seen a lot of Life Coaches posting workshops and seminars advertising things like 12-week detox from a Narcissistic Abusive online. As much as these are great tools, these could be additional resources to use while in your in therapy with a licensed mental health professional. But recovery truly means digging deeper and getting into the root causes.
Social media has been advantageous in the respect that you can find great mental health professionals and Life Coaches posting about education around Narcissistic Abuse. The 60 second tik-tok video is also gravitating for people to get a small piece of education on Narcissistic Abuse and sometimes the humor can alleviate our pain. However, a 60 second tik-tok video made by someone that may have gone through Narcissistic Abuse but is not a licensed mental health clinician or a certified Life Coach is not equipped to deal with the complexities of the trauma we have gone through. It is really important that if you do pursue a Life Coach that they are certified which means they had to go through at least a minimum of 300 hours of training and direct contact hours with clients.
It is great that there are social media influencers raising awareness but to put your delicate process of recovery into someone that is not clinically trained is risky. If you are at a place of wanting to do continued self-improvement and have a deep sense of safety and security in your body and mind a certified Life Coach is probably great to work with on some short term and long-term goals. An example of this would be if you have been out of a toxic relationship or safely ended a Narcissistic Abusive Relationship and you are wanting to start dating again or exploring some other area of self-improvement there are great certified Life Coaches out there. Life coaches can help you to work on specific goals like incorporating more wellness tools in your lifestyle like exercise, nutrition, assertive communication skills, or vocational goals. If you want to get a good perspective, I would watch this YouTube video as a therapist explains the difference between a Mental Health Professional and a Life Coach.
We talk about Red Flags extensively in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. Well here are some red flags I want you to be mindful of when you are researching the right type of treatment for you and only you. Remember we use red flags to slow down or stop from putting ourselves in an unsafe or risky situation. Red flags apply to many different parts of our lives not just with the Narcissistic Abuse but also recognizing red flags in any type of professional that will be working with you on a body, mind or emotional level.
Narcissistic Abuse Red Flag #1
If you do decide to work with a Life Coach, go on their website.
See what they are offering? Is it an online course? Do they provide any one-to-one sessions? How are these sessions done? Are they on a secured HIPPA compliant video platform? Or are they on a phone? Click on their biography page, what is their Life Coach training? Did they go to a Certified Life Coach training program? Do they have an undergraduate or graduate degree in psychology, or education in some health profession? If you are clicking on their website and there is no bio page that is a red flag. Think about when you first met the Narcissist…did you get to read their full bio? Most likely not. if you needed to go to top Neurosurgeon for brain surgery you would most likely want to know their education, experience, and success rate. You have every right to ask a Life Coach what their education and experience is before you delve into your recovery, and you have every right to ask a mental health professional as well what their experience is. Yes, Life Coaches, Social Media influencers and mental health professionals have personally experienced the chaos of Narcissistic Abuse but what are their professional credentials? Do you have access to reach them if you find yourself in a crisis and need an emergency session? This is important, you want to speak to the person or at least know that you have accessibility if something does arise. We all know to well that when we are in a Narcissistic Abusive relationship crisis do arise, we can start to feel hopeless, depressed, anxious and even suicidal. Again, let us say you had surgery on a wound and the wound starts to open again and you can’t get a hold of the doctor or nurse to have it checked it out, that would not be ideal.
Narcissistic Abuse Red Flag # 2
If you are still in a Narcissistic Abusive relationship or recently ended one, enrolling in a 12-week online course created by a uncertified Life Coach or Social media influencer is not a good place to start. There is a lot that needs to be done first. Being on a support group platform created by a social media influencer can be a good place to garner support but it also can be triggering for many people. There are a lot of mental health issues that people are still trying to make sense of. Healing from abuse is not a pre-packaged workshop! Abuse is intense and needs to be handled delicately. Also think about if you do enroll in a course, you may be triggered by the topics or it may bring back other memories that need to be safely processed with a person on a one-to-one safe setting. People have shared with me trying to go to a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery group and found that it was difficult to really address problems because a lot of people wanted to only talk about their problems and there was not a sense of it being in a therapeutic group setting.
Narcissistic Abuse Red Flag #3
If you are researching Life Coaches or Mental Health professionals’ websites, or social media pages what are you seeing first? Is it more about their work, or do you immediately see something like “Enroll now in my boot camp on Narcissistic Abuse!” Subscribe to my membership on Narcissistic Abuse.” Buy a six pack of one-to-one sessions with me! Do you immediately see them promoting a book? That to me is showing someone that is more interested in selling you something rather than trying to understand and connect to you first. Look for Life Coaches or mental health professionals that have websites that are offering a free consultation first or look at their FAQ page (Frequently Asked Questions) this will answer more questions that you may have around therapy or choosing coaching. Look at how they are going to help you. What is their process like? You want someone that is invested in your recovery and maybe an online course at this early stage of recovery is not the personable level of care that you may need. That is ok.
If you have more questions or don’t know where to start simply start here.
